You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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