that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
