I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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