fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
