you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
