I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
