and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
