i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
now i know why i became what i already was.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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