I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
