you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
