I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
