Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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