Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Welp...herpes.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
