you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
