i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
