I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize