Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
