Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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