I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
