i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
