no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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