i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
