She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
