and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
