I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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