Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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