All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
