Having a random hookup so left but love u
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
worst night to have a conscience
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
