If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
