found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
