so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
