me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
