Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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