when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
