1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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