why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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