the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
one might say we're banned from that church
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
