hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize