dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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