do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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