just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
