I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
