dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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