He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
