Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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