I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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