So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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