Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
