Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
