The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
