I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize