He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
