i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
