well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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