i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
