OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
