remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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