ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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