The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
