I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
