he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
