I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize