we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
third nipple confirmed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
