what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
