Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
