Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
