Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
