i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize