I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
