ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
