before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
