I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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