Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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