OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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