Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
