Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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