shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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